Tuesday, 7 August 2007

I wish life came with an Exit button. A big rotund gross hard top push down switch painted bright read enclosed in a glass case with a warning stamped all across in big block letters – “BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY! EXIT! DO NOT USE. PENALITY ON IMPROPER USAGE. YOU CAN BE FINED UPTO 3 MORE HUMAN LIVES ON THIS FUCKED UP PLANET”.

I would have pressed that gladly.

So what do I do now? I don’t want to live anymore. Nehh its not about being sad or something. It is purely about not wanting to do it anymore. You know the kind of feeling you have when you have watched a lot of tele or played for hours on your XBox at a stretch? You don’t hate it but you just don’t want to do it for a while. You switch it off, get up and go do something else. Wonder if I could do this with life? Stop when I want to and start again if I feel like it or maybe sell it on ebay or something. Do they have an online marketplace for this thing? Can I talk to God there? Maybe reach his customer services and yell – “Hey you guys! Sorry but I am not satisfied with this product. Ummm no reasons but what is your take back policy please? Yeah I have decided I don’t want it anymore. Throw the safety harness I gotta get back up there!”

Don’t think so there is any such service. And come to think of it, it is very weird on the part of God. I mean I get no say in my life whatsoever since the beginning? Mom and dad decide to get naughty and here I am, a by product of their love. No one asked me if I wanted to come into this world now, did they? And then I had no choice in my upbringing too. Grew up the way they wanted to, attended school, university etc. etc. No one asked me if I wanted to go through this or if I ever wanted to be born in the first place! I bet that idea of an Exit button doesn’t sound too weird now does it? I mean okay God decided to send you down here but then he should have given you the option to pull out of this whole mumbo jumbo called the world if you wanted to, shouldn’t he? How very inconsiderate. Tsk tsk, bad God, very bad God.

And now that I think more on it, I wouldn’t have any choice in my death too. I mean assuming that I live life by its normal course, one day I shall simply die. What if I don’t want to die then eh? What if I am too used to staying in this world (fat chance really) but then say what if I decided that no am a bit comfy here and would like to stay for a couple more years please? That ain’t gonna happen now would it? The angel of death would come knocking one day and tell me something like “Dude get up get up. Time to go big man!” and I would have no option but to follow him or else he would take me away anyways. How ultra cool is this now? Fantabulous! So if I were God I would have to be thinking something like this before coming up with this grand idea of the way the world would be – “Hmmm! Bored again. What do I do now? Idea! Bingo! I will create a world, put a bunch of different kinda guys on it and see how they work it out. And maybe I would give them things like booze and sex and cigar to keep them interested. Let us see how the clowns behave. BOOM! Let there be light!”

So whose life am I living then and why? If I didn’t have any choice on being born and if I shall not have any choice when I die then what the heck am I here for? Another marionette that Almighty put on this earth to pull strings and bemuse himself? I know I know what are you thinking. If I am a marionette really then where are the strings eh? Clever reader, really clever. You surprise me. Well then my clever friend here is your answer. The strings are my relations. People who care for me and whom I probably care for. People who are attached to me, who would be truly hurt if something were to happen to me. These strings are called relations my friend, relations! They are what keep me bound and stuck in my place. And I can not cut them now, can I? Clever God, created me, bound me with the strings and left the strings with other of his creations to pull and manoeuvre.

I wish to God (yeah I noticed the irony too) that he gets real bored by me soon. Maybe if I go dead inside and do not react to stimuli he would get fed up and pull my strings soon enough. What is your take on it? Would this work? If I simply were to shut myself in some deep dungeon or cave and refuse to play the game anymore would he pull me back out? Leave a comment and let me know.

22 Comments:

  1. GO! Smell the flowers said...
    Great post! Written refreshingly from the heart and how alot of people feel.

    We took time out to GO! Smell the flowers having become soooo disillusioned with the rat race of corporate life in Dubai - we'd climbed our ladders and realised we didn't like the view - we felt frauds.

    However, we're back in Dubai, at the very place we left with gritted teeth. We firmly believe that the only distance required to master your mind is the 5 inches between your ears - your brain. We left, we came back and we're content. HOWEVER - our list of places to GO! Smell the flowers to is a work in progress.....as is our book - GO! Smell the flowers which is out in 2008 adn designed to give some inspiration to those brave enough to question their own existence! Great blog....
    raving lunatic said...
    Lol! Thanks a bunch! However I am not sure whether you meant to relly appreciate the blog or promote your book...but thanks for coming in!
    sfgirl said...
    John, that's quite a piece. Raw, emotional and immediate, written in a conversational style that cuts the BS. Keep writing, John! You are reaching people out there.
    raving lunatic said...
    Wow! Thanks for the words sfgirl. Much much appreciated! I rarely get someone saying nice things about me and gotta admit, feel nice ;)
    Agnes Mildew said...
    I have never considered a pause button on one's life. I think it is a marvellous idea, actually, and I wish someone could patent it as I would be first in the queue. I think I should like to blob for the next two months and then awake again...Very thoughtful and considered...But don't top yourself...it's not worth it!
    raving lunatic said...
    hey agnes! Thanks for dropping by and thanks really for probably being the only person who bothered to read the complete post including the last line!

    Yes the idea does sound interesting now that I think more and more on those lines however what can we mere mortals do?

    But then to be honest I can probably combine the theory of relativity along with quantum mechanics to really come up with a theoretical idea about a pause button on life..yes I can! Interested in knowing further? :)
    Agnes Mildew said...
    If you have the ingredients, I shall perform the brew!

    It is a surreal feeling, to want to take a time-out from life, and I think the majority feel those who do are simply nutters, psychopaths, schizoid or completely suicidal...I suppose I may have ticked one of more of these boxes from time to time, but more than that, I should love to be given the chance to 'pause'...maybe hibernating animals have the right idea? Unfortunately for me, even if I hibernated, I'd still have a rotten mortgage to pay!
    candoor said...
    I pushed 'an' exit button a couple or few times in this life, maybe not 'the' exit button, but I dropped the life I was living and completely changed everything more than once... twice to change from mostly workaholism to relatively complete freedom (lucky me, I got to not work or have responsibilities for a while)... it was major fun and I almost never got bored (cuz I am easily amused)...

    it's not always an easy thing to do in this world where everything depends on money, but with a few major compromises (and a lot of medium sized ones), it's doable...

    you can change yourself, your life, and most things... you just need to believe you can and then dare to do it...

    giving up, pushing that last exit button, is one way, but I prefer a more creative challenge with more variables...

    I hope you find your motivation, inspiration, curiosity, or something that leads you to the change you really want and you enjoy it for a long long time :)
    mohammed karjatwala said...
    Yes, we are here by destiny and there is no exit button.

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    Loz said...
    You're living your life, no one elses. Sure there are times when we all feel that what we do is always for other people, that we are duty bound to be what others expect us to be. One day though we realise that the right thing to be is our self - To thine own self be true my friend. Everything else flows from that.
    morinn said...
    wow! i really understand the feeling you've put in writing this! you have very well expressed what i think most of us feel at a moment in our life!
    raving lunatic said...
    Agnes Mildew! I tick all those boxes myself all together at most of the times! Life is weird and it keeps hitting me in the face every second. As for your hibernation, well if you are willing to live like animals you wont have this problem now, would you? :P

    Candoor I envy you. You managed to do what I always keep thinking about doing. And actually I should consider rewriting this post. This was written in the office within 10 minutes while I was working on some code! I was chatting with this friend of mine on google talk and while during this chat this idea struck me and the restless soul that I am I said the infamous “brb” to her, paused my debugger fired up the word processor and typed this thing out. Actually I don’t mean death when I thought of this Exit button. With this Exit button I mean a clean Exit. Its like leaving the matrix, you are not just dead but completely wiped out . Your relations end and so does the memories of the people you were related to. Its like you never existed. This would also mean taking care of Agnes’ mortgage problem 

    Mohammed, I shall be visiting your blog soon to see what you have to offer.
    Loz, my dear wise friend with this post of yours I now bestow thy as the Gandalf of my blog. What you say is true my dear friend but my feelings here are simply about not wanting to do it anymore! What do I do in such a condition eh? And this is something which I can say to Candoor to. I don’t want to change my life I was talking about giving it up cuz I just don’t feel like doing it anymore. This is kinda different from changing things to keep you interested. Ahh fock it. Am probably too drunk to explain this here 

    Morinn my blogs miss you and your unique innocence. Keep coming often please! Those burfis looked yummy on yours!
    HollyGL said...
    I think you are more than capable of doing what Candoor was talking about. You're intelligent, you have vision, you can create a plan, and you can act on it. Obviously, I don't know all about your circumstances, but I have all the faith in the world that you can create a life for yourself that you never dreamed possible. You just have to have that faith in yourself
    Loz said...
    In the past ten years I have had five career changes - two of them forced by circumstance. The absolute ,ost scariest thing I ever did was make the decision to change for the first time. There were many sleepless nights, and constant worries. Once I did though I realised that the exhilaration and challenges of the new life far outweighed the discontent of the old. The first step is a doozy and you have to be sure, but once you make that decision then go for it.

    PS - How did you know my beard is white?
    DeathSweep said...
    Ahhhhhhh you ask for too much. There's no question that we all need the pause that refreshes on occasion, or the so called "exit button" but if we are really marionettes being manipulated by others how can we expect to "ever" get what we want. Sometimes I feel as though I'm being pulled in different directions and have no control over where I end up. But there are times when I too am in control of the strings attached to someone who feels out of control who is looking for the exit. If life were only as easy and simple as we would like it to be we wouldn't need a way out; but it never is. The exit button isn't within our reach unless we truly decide to exit for good, however, we all have access to a "reset" button. No, we can't start from day one but we do have control of trying to change tomorrow if we are willing to do what it takes to change today. Great post - it's so nice to dream!

    DS
    Vixious said...
    John, I think I'm a bit out of place around here, but I couldn't resist leaving you a comment. We have a fundamental difference on our life views. I don't really believe the purpose of our lives is to gratify our own pleasures or displeasures, whichever the case may be. I have a purpose and fulfilling that purpose makes me happy. It doesn't mean I don't have bad days or that my life is perfect; it just means that overall my life is really good. I, personally, think it sounds from your post like you need a new purpose for taking up space on the planet. :) Way easier than trying to invent a cosmic exit/pause button, but you'll just have to take my word on that one.
    raving lunatic said...
    Hey Holly! So good to see you around really! Just as your blog, your comments on my blog too have a new direction and a new outlook on life. Every word that you speak or write also murmurs a small phrase “lady in love” again and again . Yes I can do all that Holly and I am trying to do that really, however with this post my point was – what if I don’t want to do this life thing anymore? Do I have an option?
    White Wizard speaks again! That was interesting to know Loz. Five career changes in ten years! This averages to a career change in every two years! Way to go man! Well I have done a similar thing really. I have been working only for 5 years now and have already changed four jobs. They tell me my CV is fucked and I say well atleast someone is getting lucky ;)
    DS, if I were to give a standing ovation to someone here it would have to be with you. I am not sure if I would have been able to maintain the same outlook on life as yours if I was in your job. You are surely a better man of God here however there is just one small point I would like to make here. You say that at times you manipulated the strings of others and so did they to you, however the whole intention of this post is not to crib about this “you scratch me and I scratch your back” modus operandi of this world but pondering upon why God never gave an Exit option to those who might get bored during this journey called life.

    Bev it is really nice to have you back on this blog. I don’t know why but whenever you visit my pages I feel as if a small proton of positive charge burst out of the nucleus it was trapped in, managed to circumvent and dodge all the negativity around it and is now resting peacefully here. I know what you mean about perfect life and bad days and I understand that a perfect life is not a happy life but a balanced life really but as I said to DS up above, my whole intention here was to deliberate on the fact of an Exit button from life for those who might want to. I have now started to think that God did not give this feature because he was probably concerned about the number of returns who would come in! :D (Just Kidding!)
    Vixious said...
    LOL John, probably true. Plus, think of the terrible temptation. If somebody pisses you off, you might be tempted to try and trick them into hitting the exit button long before they're really ready to leave.
    *stares at some recent annoyees and tapes money to the button*
    What?!? I meant that in a positive way. :)
    morinn said...
    i hope it's not a too late reply! i was out all day! the link to the discussion in blogcatalog is http://www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/you-can-be-a-part-of-blogging-history

    take care!
    DeathSweep said...
    Hey raving - what I was trying to say but obviously didn't get across was that we DO have an exit button, but I can't expect to exit and then get back in as you say when I'm in a better mood. Maybe if I was able to fix what was causing me to want to exit I may not have to make the decision to finalize the act so to speak. Just sort of edit it.

    DS
    raving lunatic said...
    No worries Morrinn..thanks!

    DS: I hear what you sayin dude ;)

    However if by the Exit button you meant death then I will have to say that this is not the kind of Exit button I was talking about. I have explained what I meant by an Exit button up in my comments somewhere...
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