Monday, 13 August 2007


image adopted from

I'm alone
Yeah, I don't know if I can face the night
I'm in tears and the cryin' that I do is for you
I want your love - Let's break the walls between us
Don't make it tough - I'll put away my pride
Enough's enough I've suffered and I've seen the light

You're my angel
Come and save me tonight
You're my angel
Come and make it all right

Song “Angel” by band Aerosmith

Lured by the melody of the whisper your feet move. You know naught where they lead you, you care naught where you are headed. All you need, you care, you bother about is the fading sound of those syllables which you chase despite your will, which call your name and take you away and you move.

You enter the chamber and the music goes strong. A whiff of her perfume allures you and eludes you. Eyes closed, curtains drawn, senses dimmed you keep moving and groping your way around to reach her, to find her, to hold her, to kiss her. You open your eyes and it still is same. The darkness, the whisper, the calling, the scent. Hands outstretched you tremble with anticipation yet you never stop moving.

A voice booms “Let there be light” and you are blinded by the piercing flash of light that suddenly fills the space around you. Big bang and your universe begins. Your eyes flicker madly trying to adjust your iris to this sudden revelation. Your hands that were aching to touch her skin suddenly and invariably are drawn to your face trying to shield your eyes.

The sound begins. It is not a whisper anymore but a rumble. Something else is moving in the space around you. The hmmm goes stronger and so does your eyes. You finally make a small window from your cupped palms and sneak a peak. It’s the walls! Damn it’s the walls!

You are in a 10X12 space. The walls are moving, coming closer like a lover to hug you and caress you. And then they are not just walls are they! Spikes are embedded into them. Long, strong, deep metallic spears projecting out, pointing towards you and as many as the pores on your skin. You see them approaching slowly, firmly drawing near with your each breath. You try to stop breathing, maybe that shall slow them down.

And it does! Yes they have stopped.

And you can hold your breath, this should not be a problem for you now my love, should it be? No it would not had it not been the scent of her skin. You still want to inhale her, feel her filling you from within, floating within you dimming your senses as if a shot of heroine. You want to breath damn it. Yes you want to and yet you can for every breath that you take somehow pulls those spikes those spears a tad bit closer. It’s a bargain, what do you chose my friend, where do you put your stake?

You breathe.

Yes you do. You breathe and you breathe. Inhaling deeper and harder, pulling those horrendous devils close and that elusive temptress closer. Every breath is a curse and a blessing. You can see them coming. You can sense her coming. If only you could draw her close before your soul is punctured by these tools of devil you shall not have any regrets. If..


They come closer. They start elongating. Like a lover’s tongue trying to reach you, to lick you, to taste you before she bites you on your lips. They stretch out, reach out to you, trying to touch your skin before she can, while your conscience still is virgin, while you still are pure. Its her versus them and the only thing my dear friend that you can do is breathe.

You breathe harder and faster. They accelerate. Just when you thought, the battle is over, that they are almost here and you look up towards heaven mumbling your final prayers you see her. Agile, petite she floats rapidly down towards you from the space up above. Dressed in white, her hair flowing all around her she looks like an angel. And your heart knows no bound! You are elated, overjoyed! She is here, you are saved. It is all going to be over. She would be with you in an instant and you would hold her and touch her and kiss her and somehow you know that these approaching bearers of doom shall be stopped dead in their tracks.

She comes further towards you. Your arms are outstretched. You want to catch her before her feet touches this doomed ground. She is almost there.

And she stops.

Floating just above you with the smile of a white moonlit night she stands there and watches over you. You call her name. “What’s wrong my love, come down. Am here am waiting!” She smiles further. The spears edge closer. She opens her rose petal lips and calls out a name. No its not yours.

And you see him. He steps magically from the wall right in front of you The spears simply pass through him. He bends his knees jumps up and in an instant is standing right beside her. His arm reaches out around her. She rests her head on his shoulder. They both stand there, just outside your reach smiling down over you.

There is a sharp pain. A burning sting that arises from somewhere deep within. You look towards the walls. There is still some distance left.
Your arms droop, your gaze drops down to the floor. You lift your face once more to look in front of you. One of the serpents has reached. It flicks out its tongue and touches your skin drawing out the first drop.

You are breached.

You look up once more and they are gliding back up, swiftly, softly. Another serpent has come, time for yet another prick, another drop. And they come now, in dozens, as a flock of hungry ravines touching you, breaching you, piercing you. More blood, more slime, more drivel….more pricks.

And you stand there; breathing till the last one comes and stabs you right across the heart. There is a sharp scream. Sound of a heart being broken and they stop for a moment in their flight, look over their shoulders…..and fly away.

You're my angel
Come and save me tonight
You're my angel
Come and make it all right

Song Angel by band Aerosmith


  1. Vixious said...
    Your angel is cruel, but I think your writing was exquisite, truly sad, and very honest.

    To your dream self, I would say, "Remain calm. Slow your breathing. There is no reason to panic. Instead of waiting for the walls to close in, confront the walls, use their spikes to scale them, and escape your prison. Don't limit your life to the obvious choices."

    May your spirit be reborn and your future angel less selfish. :)
    Vixious said...
    Ok, maybe I read too much into your post, though I don't feel as if I did. I read things that I truly enjoyed and things which made my heart weep. Oh, and when all else fails, just jump! :) Thank you for blessing me tonight, John.
    raving lunatic said...
    Thank you vixious :-) You really intrigue me! You are as I said the proton of positive charge that comes and adds a spark on my pages. And you come across as a true child of God however tell me this please -you have a nick name vixious which is devilishly naughty, your avtaar here portrays the ultimate sin and yet you are such a devout discipline?

    As for the Angel, well she could be cruel yes. But if I were the poor bloke ho got stranded, trapped in the room while his angel flies away with someone else, I dont think I would bother planning an escape really. Id rather welcome the exit now that I have been given one ;-)
    Vixious said...
    LOL John, you may be intrigued, but I assure you I am less than intriguing. :) I rather find you intriguing, too, however. Are you being creative or sharing yourself with us? If the latter, are you trapped? Are you the angel? Are you the poor fool with the angel?

    And though you may welcome the exit, I would probably still want to save you...or to help you save yourself. :) I like you in the world - you add spice to the mix. :)
    raving lunatic said...
    I am standing on the rim of this universe and am watching the celestial dance of these heavenly bodies. I am in no one place vixious, I am in transition, like in an elevator which is between two floors or in a car which is between two points or a tentacle of a thought which has started taking shape in my brain but is not lengthy enough to reach her and touch her, like that spike which has started elongating to touch the defeated body standing miserably between the churning walls, like that drop of blood which has been drawn out and is magically suspended between the body and the earth, like that prayer which has been issued from quivering lips and is desperately trying to find its way to the ears of God...


    Thanks for your kind words about my adding a spice to this world. Though I am not really sure if I need saving. Whom do you want me to save from vixious? Or am I just an abstraction? Is it someone else you are saving when you save me or is saving me another brownie point for you to dangle in your bucket when you reach the pearly gates and meet St Peter to be given a pass for heaven?

    Whom do you want to save Bev and from whom?
    Vixious said...
    Ahhh! I feel the painful sting of mockery. I was simply replying to your earlier comments, but perhaps I didn't not understand them as you intended. I believe I will take myself back to safer ground, but I wish the best for you here, John. :)
    raving lunatic said...
    Oops! never meant to mock, I was simply playing around...
    Apologies if I made you feel bad. This is safe too, my haven. Thats why I run here and why I dont want to be found :)
    Shalene said...
    Hmm. Do I dare comment? I've read the exchange between you and Bev, and I must say, I see why you say you don't want to be found. You sound as though you are a tortured soul, Mr. John. I did like your writing, and as Bev said, it was exquisite, truly sad and honest. I'll keep checking back, though I'm not sure I know what to do with what I read. Blessings to you Mr. John. May the peace of the Lord be upon you.
    raving lunatic said...
    Shalene, thank you so much for coming over. It seems Bev is attracting more protons on my pages. Bless her! And please do feel free to comment!
    I am not really tortured shalene I am just fed up. As I keep on saying time and again, I am not sad or mad or in pain or am grieving about something/someone, I just want to give up and leave this cycle of life.
    Thank you for liking my writing Shalene. If you are not sure about what to do with what you read, keep asking me and I shall keep answering :-)

    And incidentall if you are reading this Bev, then please please please visit me again. I wasnt mocking you that time honest. This is just me, a raving lunatic with a verbal diarrhea.
    morinn said...
    you're such a wonderful writer! felt lost in your words and the way you punctuate them with those songs lyrics! too good! cheers!
    HollyGL said...
    Beautifully written as usual, rl.
    raving lunatic said...
    Thanks Morinn, Holly! Good to see you girls here :-)
    Bontb said...
    Very nice picture I use to draw angels my self but crepy once not the nice once lol.

    Don't put me under text! :)

    If I would stumble your blog, I would probably leave a comment for this picture and song from aerosmith!
    raving lunatic said...
    Thanks a lot Bontb..please do stumbleupon my blog and the song. The songs by aerosmith are great really!

    However if you would have read through my blog you'd know that the Angel is not really nice :-)
    Anonymous said...
    I think I can hardly do this conversation justice, so I'll humbly add what wonderful visuals and feelings pulsed through me as I was reading this.
    annie said...
    Totally gobsmacked...beautifully written...Pathos in every word.I exactly relate to how you feel. keep the faith!!...not to get back the past but to live your life happily..don't let your self languish.
    raving lunatic said...
    ahh ABC! I was beginning to wonder when the lady in love shall grace my pages again! Without you listening I was beginning to feel my mumblings have indeed turned into my soliloquies! How does the world look now when you have a different vision dear ABC? :D

    Annie, welcome, welcome indeed and thank you so much for your kind words! As for your words about looking at past, well but then Annie past is what is true, futurei s a possibility and present is a transition from past to future. Past is concrete, something which indeed ocurred, how can i not look back at it :)
    Kat said...
    Ah, but the past is not new. Nothing can change. It has in its own way reached perfection in being completed. You know how you will respond to it, what is costs. It is already written. It is also devoid of hope. Or maybe full of it. I forget. Regardless, your writing in the present is alive. Thank you.
    Anonymous said...
    No matter what light I look at your writing with, I always find it profound. From the moment I read your first post I knew that you had earned my respect.

    I admire your blend of beauty and pain, longing and acceptance, and poetry but reality.
    raving lunatic said...
    Kat call it the nature of this time space or the insanities of this flesh we are made off but as many times as I look back at my past somehow it always costs me more...and perfection? the only perfect thing that happens to us is death, beyond which nothing remains and before which nothing matters.

    ABC (by the way may i know your name please!) I feel as if I am being put on a pedestal...dont expect too much off me please, I am nothing but a ravng lunatic. I am scared of writing now lest I should disappoint you or Bev or Shalene or Kat or my other fellow bloggers here.
    annie said...
    I's not easy to burn the past (as was told me to do so). For those who truly love..God forgets to teach 'em how to fall out of love. Blast from the Past keeps every emotion in delirium...May the peace also be with you!
    Kat said...
    Is not the past, but a small death of time that we continue to mourn?

    I would rather leave than have you stop writing, john. Not that I think your muse would give you peace for long if you tried. I hope she wouldn't. Give us more.
    raving lunatic said...
    No Katz dont leave please, stay, stay with me on these pages. Your visit has been one fortunate incident I dont want to lose!

    Annie I am so glad I found your blog for so many reasons! Watch out for my comments on it now and you shall know what I am talking about!
    Anonymous said...
    <--- Noelle
    Priya said...

    You better listen :)

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