Wednesday, 19 March 2008

This is a repost of one of my earlier posts. I am doing this because this is what I have been feeling off late. If you read this to the end tell me please if you ever feel this way.

An Escaping Ambition

Last night a silent whisper woke me up from my slumber. Out of the corner of my sleep filled eyes I saw a shadow trying to tip toe its way out of my room. Perplexed and still delirious I called out, “Who are you and where are you heading to?”

On hearing my voice the shadow stopped and stood with its head bowed. When I repeated my question, the shadow as if imploring me said “Sir I am a small ambition who lived in your eyes since ages and I was now leaving.” This shocked me and I could not do anything but ask “Why my old friend. What grave inconvenience could have I caused you which made you break this old relationship and leave?” As if I had embarrassed the shadow, it spoke meekly. “Sir, I have been with you as long as I could remember. You gave me birth and you brought me up. You nursed me in your heart. You gave me a place in your eyes and a place in your vision. You catered for me in your plans and you accommodated me in your sleep. Still after all these years and all this work I remained a black shadow. I could never be a reality and come and stand in front of you. I have hurt you, pained you and I do not want to do this anymore. I was leaving so you could live in peace.”

I was startled. My eyes suddenly felt heavy, as if something was filling them up. Tears maybe but I didn’t know. I was at a complete loss of words. It was as if someone had hidden all my words from me. I could sense them and see them as stars twinkling around me but as soon as I reached out with my hand to touch them they vanished with a pop like magic and the more I strained my eyes to follow the crisscrossed trajectory of these flying words the heavier my eyes became. I didn’t know what to say to this black shadow which now stood so humbly with its head bowed and arms dropped down to its sides. Perhaps an era or maybe a lifetime later I asked again – “If this is true my friend then why leave so quietly? Why not tell me and shake hands and leave? Why leave like a thief, as if you have something to hide or someone to hide from. Surely it can not be me. I have loved you and as you said, treasured you. Why then leave without a final hug or so much so as a handshake? Is our bond so weak that you can simply shrug it off and walk away?”

As if possible the shadow sank a few feet in the ground. It suddenly appeared smaller and weaker. With a sigh the shadow replied, “I was not alone in your eyes sir. A small hope lives right next to me. She is not very strong. She would not have survived if she knew I was leaving. She would have cried and insisted on coming along with me and had that happened, you sir would have been left all alone. I never intended that to happen. Farewell sir and please take good care of that hope. If anything were to happen to her you would be all alone.”

A sudden noise outside my room woke me up. I think I was dreaming. Yes it probably was a dream. Shattered pieces of a broken ambition still sting my eyes sometimes. A small hope still cries somewhere within sometimes.


  1. Sweetstickychewy said...
    Hi John. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    A lovely story. I think this is really true for some of us. Ambitions that we dream about, hold a desire about, visulaize but never materialise. Thats when the ambition/dreams die.

    But there is one thing i always believe. If the ambition/dream is destined for ya. There is no way you are gonna rest in peace not fulfilling it.

    Interesting expression of your dream. It draws me to read till the end. loved it.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Jillian said...
    I don't think I've ever been ambitious about anything. I mostly strive for smaller goals like having a nice breakfast or finishing a pen.
    John F said...
    Hi SSnC! Thanks for following my trail and ending up here :D

    You are right about what you said but the kind of person I am, if I dont dream or contantly try to achieve something higher or bigger, I think id just die!

    Hey about desire for a good quality toilet roll? :D
    Krystal said...
    That small crying hope is sometimes the only thing that helps us drag ourselves through the wicked journey of life.. Hang on to it. Life does surprise you once in a while.
    John F said...
    You are so right Krystal and I so agree with you. No matter how small no matter if it is crying, without hope and dreams this life aint worth living.

    If you are living, be alive!
    freesherry said...
    that was really beautiful.. i love the way you play with words and of course at some point or the other we have all felt this way..
    John F said...
    Thank you very much FS. We do all feel this way at times, but how many care to re'r this sensation when things get better?
    Mez said...
    Classic. Truly now am at loss of words.Soemtimes it's so diffi to put deepest of emotions in words and voila! u manage to do that so well.
    John F said...
    Thanks a lot Annie, good to see you around on my humble blog Ms Blogger Celebrity!
    What do I have to do to get more of your attention? Roll a red carpet or something? :P
    Mez said...
    Haha Blogger Celeb...Say for a day!

    Now da hell u got that idea from..hehe. Cm'on stawpppppppp makin fun eh.
    John F said...
    Awww Mez being modest sweet :P

    Autograph please?
    Mez said...
    Hahhaha Gawd i can't belv. how much can u pull my leg.
    John F said...
    You have no idea :p

    PS: What happened to your education plans? Sorry I have been of no helpt at all with those :(
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