Awkward

The other day my machine in the office broke down. While I was sitting twiddling my thumbs waiting for my machine to be fixed my hands accidentally touched a pen. And what do you know the pen was lying idly on a piece of blank paper too! Out of curiosity on how it would feel to touch a real pen for once I picked it up and tried to balance its nib on the paper. No sooner had I managed to accomplish this might feat the pen slipped through my fingers and this is what came out

Awkward

the first word that which comes to my mind right now. So used to dancing on the keyboard, my fingers are finding it terribly awkward having to balance the precarious tip of this pen over this piece of paper and channel the smooth flow of ink into these precise shapes and curves which might begin to mean something to a mildly literate human.

Awkward.

Awkward that this seemingly common practice of writing should bring back such a torrent of memories and emotions which I never knew I had. Awkward for this sudden revelation should make me feel like a boy who suddenly stumbled upon a hidden treasure and is now simultaneously exhilarated by the find and worried on how best to hide it from his mates and cherish it all on his own.

Awkward for I shall be made to realize how dependent I have become on the online spell checkers and what a way to realize how terrible I am now with my spellings. And awkward on how shall I pen down these seemingly endless flow of events, memories, emotions and that these thoughts which should be unleashed with every drop of ink my pen should smear on this page again and again and should wash over me with such torrent that I simply can not decide whether to put a cap on it (literally!) or to just let myself be washed over by them, allowing them to carry me legions back in these newly discovered memories where I was still an innocent child carefree without any botheration and without the capabilities to understand human psyche or what is right and what is wrong but only aware of what I suddenly want to do at any instant and then simply go ahead and do it without pausing to think the entire possible permutations and combinations of the event stack that which might occur in the wake of my simplest of actions like picking up a pen and writing.

Really awkward.

However probably what makes me feel most awkward is that fact that at the end of the day I would fire up my machine load up my trusted word processor and spell checker and type it all out losing again this newly discovered innocence of struck out links incorrect punctuation marks asymmetrical hieroglyphic curves and wrong spellings. Should I stop then? Cease this relentless flow of ink which shall lost its importance soon as my machine is back online and stop scarring the spotless beauty of this white paper? Or should I simply go on let myself slide on this joy ride as I know that innocent boy would have done without bothering to check whether the landing at the base of the ride is of soft sand or hard cemented floor and would simply not have bothered about the inevitable which I predicted would happen?

At this time my machine was back and I decided to keep this unfinished…..