Monday, 1 October 2007

Awkward

The other day my machine in the office broke down. While I was sitting twiddling my thumbs waiting for my machine to be fixed my hands accidentally touched a pen. And what do you know the pen was lying idly on a piece of blank paper too! Out of curiosity on how it would feel to touch a real pen for once I picked it up and tried to balance its nib on the paper. No sooner had I managed to accomplish this might feat the pen slipped through my fingers and this is what came out


Awkward

the first word that which comes to my mind right now. So used to dancing on the keyboard, my fingers are finding it terribly awkward having to balance the precarious tip of this pen over this piece of paper and channel the smooth flow of ink into these precise shapes and curves which might begin to mean something to a mildly literate human.

Awkward.

Awkward that this seemingly common practice of writing should bring back such a torrent of memories and emotions which I never knew I had. Awkward for this sudden revelation should make me feel like a boy who suddenly stumbled upon a hidden treasure and is now simultaneously exhilarated by the find and worried on how best to hide it from his mates and cherish it all on his own.

Awkward for I shall be made to realize how dependent I have become on the online spell checkers and what a way to realize how terrible I am now with my spellings. And awkward on how shall I pen down these seemingly endless flow of events, memories, emotions and that these thoughts which should be unleashed with every drop of ink my pen should smear on this page again and again and should wash over me with such torrent that I simply can not decide whether to put a cap on it (literally!) or to just let myself be washed over by them, allowing them to carry me legions back in these newly discovered memories where I was still an innocent child carefree without any botheration and without the capabilities to understand human psyche or what is right and what is wrong but only aware of what I suddenly want to do at any instant and then simply go ahead and do it without pausing to think the entire possible permutations and combinations of the event stack that which might occur in the wake of my simplest of actions like picking up a pen and writing.

Really awkward.

However probably what makes me feel most awkward is that fact that at the end of the day I would fire up my machine load up my trusted word processor and spell checker and type it all out losing again this newly discovered innocence of struck out links incorrect punctuation marks asymmetrical hieroglyphic curves and wrong spellings. Should I stop then? Cease this relentless flow of ink which shall lost its importance soon as my machine is back online and stop scarring the spotless beauty of this white paper? Or should I simply go on let myself slide on this joy ride as I know that innocent boy would have done without bothering to check whether the landing at the base of the ride is of soft sand or hard cemented floor and would simply not have bothered about the inevitable which I predicted would happen?

At this time my machine was back and I decided to keep this unfinished…..

15 Comments:

  1. kat said...
    genius
    Mirage said...
    Rediscovering the simple ways, are we?
    John F said...
    Kat was that a purr or a hiss?

    I dont know Mirage, honest to God (stop arching those eye brows Kat) I do not know. I had this beautiful time with that pen and paper and oh what a bliss that was!

    I wish I could turn the time back when innocence was innocence and love was love and hate was hate. Everything is so muddled now.
    kat said...
    Perhaps neither. Just an acknowledgment that your fourth paragraph was pure genius.
    John F said...
    Thanks. Perhaps now I am beginning to understand why pen is mightier than a sword...and scarier too!

    Your blog has been dead for a while Kat..I have started the flow of ink and thought again. Would it reach your pages too?
    annie said...
    Somehow i can never get myself to express my thoughts on paper now..i have to have the keyboard and screen to even think. Awkward & scary..
    morinn said...
    in class i have to write with a pen and i find it really awkward too. I feel the absense of spell checkers too and i tend to make some mistakes.
    John F said...
    Morinn: class, pen, paper...trip down memory lane. How long was it for me,
    100 years or 200 maybe! :D

    Annie: Yeah it is indeed! I mean just for once try picking up a pen and writing, it will amaze you!
    Ashu said...
    Now why do we need pen ? Just to sign the lousy cheques and courier receipts. Hooked to the pc and now lappy since a decade now (almost) and its made the pen almost redundant.

    another masterpiece. have you reached india ?
    John F said...
    My first tryst with computers was an Intel 8086 back in 1985 i think. I have been hooked ever since!

    Nahh am still stuck here in the UK. Would reach Bangalore on 25th of this month and then Delhi.
    utopia said...
    na i like a pen anyday if i have to pen my thoughts. a computer is too insipid a device. i am very tech savvy but my feelings, expressions and thoughts need to be on paper. makes them seem more real. not virtual reality.
    lalitha said...
    there's something very special in seeing words flow out of the tip of a pen... something that doesnt quite happen with a computer... no matter how tech savvy i am... i always feel better when i actually "WRITE"..
    Rashi said...
    WRITING IS A WAY THROUGH MIND...TIC TACCING ON THE KEY BOARD TECHNOLOGISES IT...
    John F said...
    @utopia: That is truly great you know. But to be honest I don't miss writing with a pen, I always had a terrible handwriting.

    @lalitha: Maybe I should try actually writing something more often then. Maybe it would make me feel better too!

    @Rashi: Hmm you are right, but then what is wrong with technolizing it till it doesnt lose its meaning and depth?
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